I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
