Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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