what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
