Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We have started to decorate penises.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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