You're like the curious george of whores
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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