I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
