the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
