I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
