im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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