what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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