Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
