I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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