I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
