I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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