I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize