Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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