I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Houston, we have a blender
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
