haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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