There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
