Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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