never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
