I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
