Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
