Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
