Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
