you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
