You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
