Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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