i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
