Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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