please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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