Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
