i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
