Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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