I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
