Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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