She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
