i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
