You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
