I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
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