he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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