so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
