so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
