You made me cry and you don't even care
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
