Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
