That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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