but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
