Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
