You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
