ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There's even glitter on my cock...
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