Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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