I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
