I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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