Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
