I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
