The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
