We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
