Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
