On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
