I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
