with your own penis?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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