My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
