I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
