Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
