I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
