I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
