idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
